Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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