It's Friday. Sex?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
