You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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