Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
