Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
