i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
