When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
