So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
