I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You pole danced in your parka.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
