On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
