my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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