lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
