I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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