I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
