pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
