I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
