i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
