you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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