he wants to bone in the snuggie
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
