it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
