I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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