Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
