why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
