areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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