I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
