I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
