i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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