I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
