What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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