Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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