I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
