love makes seman taste better
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
