Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
