There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
