Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
