sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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