So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
