Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
