how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
