Who wears a wallet chain?!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm at about main and main street
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
