Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
