God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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