I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
