Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
