went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I love you.
Bad choice
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