I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
