But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
