paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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