im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
