Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
