Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
