i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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